Rudy Francisco wrote a poem:
I’m teaching myself about
the opposite of excellence,
the subtle art of stumbling,
the radical act of failure
and forgiveness.
I’m learning that embarrassment only
shows its face if I allow it.
Several parts of it resonated with me, but one aspect that keeps coming back to me is the concept of subtle art. Perhaps because I’ve been a musician or because I view my writing as an art form, but that word unlocked a mental shift for me.
I have no idea what I’m doing with parenting. I try. I apply what I used when I taught and managed a classroom quite effectively. I implement what I know about mental health. I check out books often from the library. I talk to people. I look things up online. I love my boys with all I have.
However, many days, I reflect back and am able to identify numerous instances where I fell short of being the parent I want to be.
In my mind, I often label it as failing.
But I quite like Rudy Francisco’s phrasing of a subtle art of stumbling.
Because when I rephrase it as an art, there’s a mental shift. It goes from feeling like a failure to an opportunity. It goes from burdensome to exciting. Maybe because art is constantly evolving, shifting, and moving. I no longer feel stuck in my ways; I feel the pull of creation to other directions, trying new things, and making it fun.
The thought of tackling a new day is less daunting and more invigorating. The day holds art that beckons to be created. And, yes, I’ll stumble. But what an opportunity to add to the art we are making.
It’s subtle; most people may stop to ooh and aah over my sons, but rarely over my parenting (unless I’m navigating a very loud meltdown). However, if you watch closely, you may see the brushstrokes of empathy sweep over a meltdown, the crescendo of humor erupting in a burst of laughter to keep us lighthearted, and the molding of values such as kindness and respect.
Whether a parent or not, we all have subtle arts in our lives. Where are they in your life that you can lean into, creating, stumbling, and all?
Warmly,
Kylie Larson, MA, LPC
More resources…
Find Kylie’s reading commendations by clicking here.
