The other day, I had some time between sessions. So I snagged the Psychology Today magazine that had recently been mailed to me and perused the articles.
One article seemed to stop time and enthralled me.
Kaja Perina, Psychology Today’s Editor-in-Chief, wrote “In Search of the Goldilocks Moment: Cherishing the life we live now” in her Editor’s Note. This short, seven-paragraph note so completely captured something that has been nudging at my heart and soul for quite some time.
Perina writes that, as part of human nature, we often search for our personal Goldilocks zone, the point where life feels comfortable and habitable. That makes perfect sense; I think far more species than not strive for this balance of comfort and habitability.
But we don’t usually stop there. Perina points to a term astrobiologists call the “superhabitable zone” – a planet with perfect conditions that becomes our ultimate goal. To reach this perfection, we often engage in endless comparison and introspection beyond what may be helpful.
We scroll our social media. And non-stop, we are inundated with thing after thing after thing that, if we just did, or bought, or took away, and then did that with the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing – then these perfect conditions that we seem to see some people be able to obtain could also be ours.
But here’s the thing: It’s not real.
Perfect conditions don’t exist on this Earth. Some are beautiful, spectacular, awe-filled, but no conditions will give us lasting perfection. There is no superhabitable zone.
But it’s hard to believe, when it seems some people have actually found it. We forget the filters, the editing, and the behind-the-scenes work. Instead, we fall into the trap, and we buy that thing, add something to our routine, or stop doing that one thing that surely is toxic – only to be met with less than perfection again.
But beyond the idea of a superhabitable zone, Perina notes that it drives endless comparison and introspection.
As an internal processor, I am all about introspection. But I see what Perina says here. I’ve seen a growing trend of over-pathologizing what makes us human. Forgetfulness is surely ADHD; quirkiness is highly likely to be Autism; feeling off has got to be a mood disorder.
Yes, mental illness is more than real, and yes, diagnoses need to be given when this is persistent and pervasive. But I worry we have progressed so far that we’ve lost human character and instead jump immediately to human pathology.
I promise, I’m not against mental health diagnosis or striving to better ourselves. I’m against extinguishing human character and pretending we can rid ourselves of our humanity. We cannot escape sadness, anxiety, heartbreak, and grief. But we can sit with those emotions and then also experience joy, gratitude, love, and awe. As humans, our emotional spectrum inevitably includes the whole range.
And no, by leaning into all that makes us human – emotions, idiosyncrasies, imperfections – we still won’t find that superhabitable zone, but we will find a rather spectacular Goldilocks one.
Warmly,
Kylie Larson, MA, LPC
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