Adjusting Expectations

If two words would describe me for most of my life, they would be productive and efficient.

I have a knack for seeing the quickest and clearest path to execution. And I find completing tasks highly intoxicating, so I’ve always been productive.

Except for now.

Now, I almost always have a toddler requesting my attention for something (or many somethings) and a newborn naturally needing to eat or have his diaper changed. I don’t know that I’ve had a season of life where things take so long to accomplish. So many things on my to-do list are only partially completed. And for the past week or so, this has been weighing heavy on me. I’ve been trying to figure out ways to still be these two things, only to end up annoyed, overwhelmed, and frustrated that I’m only getting further and further from them.

And then it hit me.

This annoyance and frustration is on me. Of course, my toddler needs things, and of course, my newborn cries out from hunger and discomfort. This is on me. I need to adjust my expectations. Nobody is watching me to see if I’m just as productive and efficient as I’ve always been. There is no award awaiting me if I get something done in 5 minutes versus 45.

I could try every day to do things like I used to be able to and continue to be met with annoyance and frustration. Or, I could adjust my expectations, and I could be met with much more peace, joy, and serenity.

Seems like an obvious choice, doesn’t it?

Now, I’m not saying the answer is always to adjust our expectations. It does take two to tango and sometimes the other party needs to know how we are feeling and be held accountable. But, my other parties are simply acting their age and doing very age-appropriate behaviors. So, in this case, it’s on me to adjust my expectations.

I have found this relevant to my faith, too. Most often in terms of how I expect God to communicate to me. I may have a recurring prayer and see a clear way that God could show up in response. And, rarely is that the way he shows up. This can result in me feeling frustrated, rejected, alone, and confused. But, often in retrospect, I see that God more than showed up, just not in the way I was expecting. So, now I try to keep more of an open mind, I try to adjust my expectations instead of assuming the “right way” for God to show up and respond.

Through all of these relational possibilities, if you are finding yourself in recurring patterns with undesirable emotions, there is a chance that other people need to be held accountable. But, there’s also a chance that you could adjust your expectations and you may find that much lighter emotions are awaiting you.

Warmly,

Kylie Larson, MA, LPC

www.illuminate-counseling.com