I recently came across Dr. Tuesday Watts-Overall’s Instagram (iamdrtuesday) and scrolled through her posts, which kept resonating with me. One, in particular, really struck me.
In talking about motherhood, Dr. Tuesday says, “These days I’m not all that into tips and tricks and hacks and how-tos for motherhood. Because if I’m completely honest, I think we’re overdosed on clinical advice designed to sanitise the messy chaos out of our experiences.”
I have felt a heavy, weighted dread of parenting advice lately. I have a wonderful, but wild, toddler and a very curious and exploratory one-year-old. Where I thrive off order, structure, and routine, that is not always evident from the outside looking in, as I’m often overruled by the joyfully wild explorations of two young boys.
And coming across advice that, in some way, suggests that something I’m doing is wrong has been frustratingly overwhelming. Not because I feel like I need to be right all the time, or that I am doing everything right, but because this advice has started to feel impossible.
And Dr. Tuesday’s beautifully named why.
This advice sometimes, perhaps oftentimes, seems to be designed to sanitise the messy chaos out of our experiences.
And while I may have moments when the predictability of routine, calmness, and structure sounds wonderful, it is quickly squashed by the reality that raising my boys is synonymous with messy chaos.
And as it should be. With any kids, not just two young boys. And also, with life in general.
My love of structure and routines is my strong-willed battle to believe life can be something other than messy chaos. But it can’t be. And what’s even better is that this messy chaos doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It’s reality and beyond the simplified compartmentalization of good and bad. And how much more appealing does it sound to embrace that and lean into it, rather than following your 10th five-step guide to try to sanitize the messy chaos out of our experiences?
I’m not saying to toss everything to the wind and call it good. But I am saying that if the inundation of information is overwhelming you, as it has been overwhelming me, then perhaps you can take a break. Maybe you don’t need another 5-step guide to “right” some perceived wrong in your life. Maybe you just need to embrace the messy chaos.
Warmly,
Kylie Larson, MA, LPC
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